“Can These Dry Bones Live?”
Restore Sexual Fire in Your Marriage
By Shannon Simmons
Do you remember those days of courting and dating your spouse? The hours and hours you spent talking on the phone. The special walks you took in the park. The romantic dinners you shared at that special restaurant. Do you remember how it took all of the Holy Spirit to keep you from “jumping HIS dry bones? Well, what happened? Why does your husband have to beg, barter and bow guard his way into the bedroom for some “booty?” It seems like there are more single people having sex than married people. That should not be!
First Corinthians Chapter 7 is a foundational scripture passage used to teach about sex and marriage. Verses 2-6 says, ‘but because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer, but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” According these scriptures, the only time sex shouldn’t be going on in the bedroom is when praying and fasting is going on in the Throne Room!
There are several reasons why dry bones occur in marriages, including busyness of schedules, parenting children, financial difficulties, past failures and other marital conflicts. The dry bones of the monotony can extinguish the sexual fire of any marriage, even the great ones; if both spouses are not aware of the threats. When sexual intimacy in your marriage becomes a chore and is absent of any passion, it is time to take some action. Can these dry bones live? Yes, they can, but it will take some intentional effort on the part of any good wife.
To restore sexual fire within your marriage, you need to identify why the fire has been extinguished. What is hindering you from “giving it up and turning it loose?” As I write, I want to be clear that this is shared for wives who have issues in the area of sexual intimacy due their individual hindrances. (For those who have husbands that are depriving you in this area, you will need to seek wise counsel and a medical doctor for those husbands who may be experiencing lower sex drives.)
Ask yourself the following questions:
- Am I too tired to be fully engaged and genuinely present for sexual intimacy with my husband?
- Is there a breach of trust and safety within my sexual relationship that I am unable to overcome?
- Is there any financial or parental stress causing a decrease in sexual desire?
- On a regular basis, do I experience guilt and shame related to past sexual failures?
- Have I experienced sexual trauma or domestic violence from my past that causes me to withhold or clam up during sexual intimacy with my husband? Or do I experience emotional or physical pain during sex with my husband?
Each of these issues can hinder the sexual relationship between a husband and wife. To truly reignite the sexual fire within a marriage, a good wife must identify and overcome these hindrances, invite the help of the Holy Spirit, and investigate biblical resources within this area of her marriage.
Those five questions you asked yourself reveal valid issues that threaten the sexual oneness a husband and wife can share. They include fatigue, fear, finances and family; let’s explore the nature of each:
@Ha Ha Clinton-Dix Kids Jersey
- Fatigue and stress can cause you to miss the sexual fulfillment and fire within your marriage. “Honey, not tonight!” is the constant cry of the sick and tired wife. The wife who works to kill the pig for the bacon, bring the bacon home, fry the bacon, serve the bacon to her family and clean up after the bacon dinner has NOTHING left to bring sexual satisfaction to her husband and herself! Honestly, she craves sleep more than sex; rest more than romance and peace more than her husband’s penis!
- The wife who has trust and security issues with her husband will find it difficult to remain sexually passionate with her husband. If her heart has been bruised due to infidelity or if she has experienced shame and embarrassment during lovemaking; she will avoid this part of her marriage. Husbands should seriously consider working to build hedges of protection around his marriage to earn his wife’s trust. A wife should make a conscience effort to trust her repentant husband, as she gives her marriage over to the Lord to control.
- If there are financial and parental issues taking place in the home; it is only a matter of time for those issues to affect the marriage bed. It’s hard to make love to your man if the gas is off or the rent is due. One of a woman’s main needs is security. She has to feel secure that her husband is going to provide for her and their family. There really is NO Romance without finance! Husbands, if there are children grappling at her knees and ankles; don’t expect her to easily get on hers. FINANCES & ROMANCE go hand in hand. Gwen Guthrie said it best, “Ain’t Nothing Going On, But the Rent!”
- A wife’s negative thoughts and emotions about sex will affect how she relates sexually to her husband. If she was sexually active before marriage; it will be difficult to accept that sex is now good within marriage. And if she has sex with her husband before marriage; she will find it difficult to trust him, as the spiritual head of the home. How can he lead now just because he has a ring on her finger? She will need to repent from past mistakes and ask God to remove the shame associated with that sexual sin. This could take years of renewing her mind to overcome this hindrance. Husbands should be patient, and pray that their wives will be open to this process. (Romans 12:1-2)
- The wife who has been abused sexually and is still experiencing consequences from that abuse will find @Aaron Rodgers Jersey it difficult to remain sexually intimate with her husband. This wife should seriously participate in professional counseling, support groups and seek resources for sexual abuse survivors. Additionally, if there are any physical limitations due to her past; her husband should consider that in lovemaking.
INVITE THE HOLY SPIRIT TO BED
Once you identify the hindrances in your marriage, you must invite the power of the Holy Spirit to take control of your marriage bed and lovemaking. Many Christians have been duped into believing that Luther, R. Kelly and Usher have monopolized romance and sex. God created sex. The enemy uses any and every thing to pervert what God created. He tries to imitate it, but he can’t duplicate it. Sex is God’s business. So, we should seek Him about how to honor Him with our sexuality. First, sex was created for one husband and one wife not man and woman. God never intended humans to have sex any way they want with whomever they wanted. Marriage was created for the safety and pleasure of his creation.
I Corinthians 10:13 says “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” This is a promise that when we are tempted, God will provide a way for us to NOT sin. In singleness, the way to not SIN sexually is to ABSTAIN. However, in marriage, the way to not SIN sexually is to MAINTAIN. If you had to ask the Holy Spirit for help in this area during singleness then why wouldn’t you continue to ask for His help in this area after you marry? For way too long, the enemy has tricked us in believing that he created sex. He has perverted it and in that perversion, we have been duped, swindled and hoodwinked in believing the lie he tells us about it. “Sex is dirty,” he whispers in your ear. It’s a lie! God is thrilled, pleased and honored when husband and wife connect sexually. It brings him glory. In my marriage, we call it worship!
There have been times when I didn’t feel going to ‘worship.’ I have learned how to handle those times when my husband wants to connect sexually and I don’t. Here are few of my tips:
- Say, “I’m not saying ‘No. I’m saying not yet. Let me take a nap and then wake me up in that special way!’
- I will take a hot shower or relaxing bath. I get on my knees and I pray for the power of the Holy Spirit to consume me and help me to pleasure my husband. This is a powerful prayer, so be careful!
- Sometimes when I just don’t feel like having sex, I ask my husband to lead me in prayer because my body doesn’t want to cooperate with my spirit. Once I hear my husband pray, I somehow ‘get in the mood.’ A praying man is a sexy man!!
- I have read many books related to sex and intimacy in marriage. I refer to these books often. I use the tips and implement the romantic suggestions all of the time.
- Sometimes, I schedule I.S. in my calendar. I.S. stands for Initiate Sex. It’s okay to schedule sex. It doesn’t make it less pleasurable or glorifying to God. My Type-A personality will more than likely accomplish things when it is written down on a calendar.
- When I have found myself struggling in this area, I have memorized scripture related to sex within marriage. I place these scripture cards in my bedroom, bathroom and in my purse. I meditate on these scriptures and think on them as I connect with my husband.
Sensuality is a divine right to experience with our husbands; however, most wives feel like it is demonic ritual. Because some of us were taught not to be like those ‘fast or loose girls,’ we have turned into prudes in the bedroom. God gives you permission to give pleasure and receive it from your husband. This gives you sexual freedom in your marriage where you are both “naked and unashamed.” (Genesis 2:25)
If your marital sex life has turned into a dry bone, identify what is hindering this most holy and intimate act of worship. Invite the Holy Spirit to empower you to minister to your husband in this way and to experience holy oneness with the man you call husband. Lastly, seek biblical principles on @Aaron Rodgers Authentic Jersey how to apply wisdom and use practical tips in lovemaking.
My prayer for you and your husband is found in Proverbs 5:18-19, “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.” I pray that your marriage bed always be a place of romance, refreshment and relaxation. May your communion with your husband be honoring to our Heavenly Father and may the angels rejoice at your lovemaking!
“Sick of Sex” by Robyn McKelvy
“Intimate Issues” by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus
“Romancing Your Husband” by Debra White Smith
“Simply Romantic Tips to Romance Your Husband” by Barbara Rainey
Christian Wives Initiating, Valuing & Enjoying Sex www.cwives.com
Shannon L. Simmons is a true worshipper, learner and teacher of God’s Word. She has been married to her husband, Roosevelt Simmons, Jr., a bi-vocational pastor for 15 years. She is the mother of five beautiful children: Jae’Lah, Carson, Raven, Reese, and Rachel.
She is originally from North Little Rock, Arkansas where she graduated from Sylvan Hills High School and later earned her B.A. degree in Communication from Henderson State University in Arkadelphia, Arkansas. Shannon currently spends her time learning to balance her pursuit of God, managing marriage, family, ministry and her career, as an Administrative Project Coordinator at FamilyLife, a non-profit ministry in Little Rock. Her heart’s desire is to truly learn how to live her life, loved by our Heavenly Father, and share that love and truth with others.
To keep in contact with Shannon please see the links below.